But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. - Isaiah 40:31
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Woe Is Me
It was a pretty day today and Romie and I had a lot to do before the girls came home later in the day for Mother's Day. So a little while after breakfast, we both took to the road for a run. I hadn't gone 30 seconds and I was winded. What was going on??? Thursday night, in the rain, I didn't feel like that. Even though I felt like I was wheezing, I could still breathe pretty well. Not this morning.
I persisted, and we ran five minutes before I had to stop and walk for a minute. I started back up and ran another three before I just had to stop. Romie tried to encourage me to push myself, but I knew I couldn't. I just couldn't get my breath. I felt like someone was choking my lungs. I have never breathed so fast and so hard, not even when I first started out.
Yesterday was kind of a lost day, because I felt sick all day. Not an ounce of energy, couldn't get comfortable in any position, coughing due to chest congestion, didn't sleep well the night before due to sweating (likely from the steroids I'm taking for the poison ivy), and the fibromyalgia was in full force.
But I actually felt much better this morning, so I was shocked at how awful the running went. My legs felt fine, but I just couldn't breathe. I've never had an asthma attack, but if I could imagine what that is like, that's how I would have described this.
So what did I do? I had a pity party for Kylee right there on the road, out in the middle of nowhere. Romie had continued running on ahead, and I ran behind him on and off, in an effort to catch up, crying all the way. I was just so frustrated and discouraged.
Do I want to quit? NO!!!! That would mean I'm giving up and I will NOT give up. That's not an option. That would mean all the progress I've made - even if I don't feel like it now - would be for naught.
For sure, the fact that I've been lax on my running in the last two weeks hasn't helped. Nor the chest congestion. What this has shown me is that you can't afford to skip a training day just because you're too busy or don't feel like doing it, because something can always come along that really prevents you from training and if you have been cheating like I had been, then you're in trouble.
Time for some serious self-talk and mind games. Whatever gets me through the night...and training.